But She Was Brave
She didn't quite know if she was ready; but she was brave. And the universe listens to brave.
I ignored the idea to begin this blog for nearly a year. My thoughts would turn to this dream of mine and it's whispered hopes, but I never acted.
I was scared.
Scared, I think, by the idea of my own success. I trapped myself behind bars that kept other people safe and comfortable. As much as people want to hear wonderful things from me, they want to hear of the wonderfully normal. Why aren't I in school? Am I still doing photography? When am I moving away? Who is my boyfriend? These are some of the questions I get asked several times a day. Very rarely is anyone truly pleased with my answers. And that is okay. Because What I choose to do with my life, is no one else's business. Just as what you do with your life is none of my business.
When I finally accepted this simple fact, it was like everything changed. I allowed myself to move forward and begin something I have always wanted to do. Despite the fact that it makes some others uncomfortable. If they are uncomfortable, it is none of my business.
After waffling over it for a few days, I launched website and opened my first post to the public. Suddenly, I was a whole different kind of scared, (#stagefright) because up until that point I had imagined nameless, faceless persons reading it. Then all of a sudden over sixty people had read it and the people subscribing to my site, were names that I knew. People I interact with on a daily basis. That is way scarier than nameless and faceless persons. I am a rather private individual and it has been interesting for me to pour my heart out in my blogs... and then see that people are actually reading them.
I am amazed by it. I feel so out of my comfort zone. I guess that I will probably never feel ready/worthy for this honour, but the important part is that I am showing up. I am bringing what I have to the table. Every time I move to post a new blog my finger hovers over the button and I wonder: Should I? Then I take a deep breath, and click the button. Because I will never feel ready, I'm never going to get to the perfect stage of life, because I would rather #live my life than wait for it.
Amazies, l've found that most everything worthwhile in life starts out a little scary- or downright terrifying. Life is a roller coaster of chaos. There are twists, turns, drops, loop-de-loops and more. It is only when we let go and allow ourselves to have faith and have fun that we begin to find the joy in the ride.
And is that joy not what we are all seeking?
Go out and do something today that scares you. It will be worth it, I promise.